Sunday, 3 March 2013

Through my window

Through my window I see
People playing in the sun
Everybody's having fun
Except for me
And I envy
Through my window I see
Other criminals being caught
By the police, their lesson's taught
Just like me
And I'm guilty
Between the bars I see
The sensible friends of mine
All of them having a great time
'Cause they didn't choose a life of crime
I wish that was me
I want to be free
Between the bars I see
Someone I'd robbed with a new purse
But, of course, that just makes it worse
For me
And I'm sorry
Through my window I see the trees
Gently blowing in the breeze
And I'm in prison, on my knees,
Left alone in here to freeze
And the wind on my face is such a tease
Through my window I see
Police and thieves playing cat and mouse
People robbing a big house
And now I see
What I used to be

Monday, 5 March 2012


There once lived a boy,
his name was mark twain.
He lived on small street,
and didn't have a brain.
He went to a wizard,
and asked him for no pain.
The wizard gave him this,
but still he had no brain.
He went to a witch,
and asked her for a cane.
The witch gave him this,
but still he had no brain.
He went to his father,
and asked him for a game.
His father gave him this,
but still he had no brain.
He went to his mother,
And asked her for a plane.
His mother gave him this,
but still he had no brain.
He then went to school,
And asked them for a brain.
The school gave him this,
and now he was not,
called but Mark Twain,
but the Wonderful!
Amazing! Mark brain!

Monday, 20 February 2012


Ailuropoda melanoleuca

Patch the panda Loved to eat bamboo.
Every morning he sang bamboo, bamboo, I Love to chew bamboo! And then he laughed.
Patch's best freind was called Pancake. He hadn't got enough bamboo to eat and a few weeks later he died and Patch was very sad so he decided he had to get a wife so there could be more pandas. But he couldn't find one so he tried to travel to China to find more pandas. He went to China by finding a stick and digging underground to get there. he finally got to China but he needed a rest because he was really tired and he went to rest on the hotel wall. The next day he went into the forest to find a panda so the pandas can live for longer. He found one called Polly, and Polly wanted to find a husband so the giant pandas could go on. They got married and had lots of kids. Patch told Polly about Pancake. Polly was sad as well,she said
"Shall we call one of the boys Pancake then."
"Okay," said Patch. The names of the children were Pilly, Pancake, Ponyo, Po, Peter and Prancer. All of their kids got married, and had more kids, and went on forever.


Nessium fatius*

These are the important days of my life that I found in my old Diary:

26th March, 900000000000000000 B.C.
I think I was born today. I found a rock. They don't taste very good. Too hard. I found a book with the letters 'D I A R Y' on it, and started writing in it. Used a fish's tail as a pen and some black stuff from a wormy thing to make the stuff on this white thing.

16th February, 500000000000000069 B.C.
Discovered the art of 'swimming'- very useful, especially if you've been lying, half-paralysed in this muddy liquid stuff for 300000000000000000000000031 (complete exaggeration) years and you want a change of scene. I met Bob today – you know, that 'I'm Bob' guy on my portrait

7th August, 7000002376 B.C.
Bob's birthday – had a party in his cottage. Well, really I was on his doorstep listening to him eating 'Crabracadabra' fish cakes because I can't fit in his house – he offered the leftovers to me, but I refused (I don't eat I'm bobicuss slobber). It started raining cats and dogs around about 15 am – literally. They were dropping onto the lake and sinking down to my roof and doorstep. Some Scottish boy came along and gave me the 'Scotch News'. Such a rip-off - only news in the whole paper was the story about raining cats and dogs. I told the boy to sue them. Very bad idea – I got fined 2 whole planktons.

30th June, 103 B.C.
A new Roman road was built by the lake. Bought How to Road Run from the news-and-sale-lad.
Had a go at Road Running(leaping from one side of the road to another. Landed in the middle of the road - and in the middle of an Anglo-Saxon ambush.

26th March, 1954 A.D.
Celebrated my 900000000000001954th birthday had a big tin of lasagne, and gave Bob back his 7000004330-year-old saliva, and, surprisingly, he ATE it. Bob is weird- very weird. Bored for the rest of the day.

Bored out of my mind- played every video game in the world, Lasagne is extinct (thanks to me and my rumbling 500ft stomach), and Bob is snoring his head off (and has been for the last 2 weeks, he must be boarder than ME). Finally found something to do - think about what to do.

December 6th, 2178

January 14th, 3950


Saturday, 18 February 2012


Acinonyx jubatus

Once upon a time a daddy cheetah said to it's baby, "You can run!",
And they got some food,
Then went back home,
And they bit a postman's head off!

(communicated by Agustinia ligabuei; wrItten by Bellusaurus sui)


Ornithorhynchus anatinus

Unlucky dingos cannot be healed,
once you have sensed their electric field.
He has poison come from his spur,
hidden safely under his fur.
She shall lay her eggs when she is older,
and so shall her kids once they are bolder.
Thee shall make sure that thee grab,
every single passing crab.
Now that you know my rhyme,
have a brilliant time.

Friday, 3 February 2012


Thousands of years ago, when Egyptians knew things nobody else knew, there was the stone. Now you're probably thinking of the philosopher's stone. But no, this stone came from a planet nothing can reach in a faraway galaxy.

This happened on a Monday morning, when a sacred docile crocodile fainted from the horrible heat. Suddenly, a stone fell from the sky, split into two halves, and the good half lodged inside him. However the bad half of the stone fell inside the nearby cloth they were saving to use to make him a mummy. The crocodile then had bad luck. The stone from the sky put a curse upon him that he would always live as long as the cloth with the bad half didn't touch him. A second later the cloth touched him and he was wrapped all over in it (even worse!).

I am now going to tell you about the time he was freed from the curse.

A few years ago there lived a group of scientists. One was proper and smart, ten were normal and the last was a crazy scientist whose parents still acted like Ancient Egyptians, and knew the history quite well they also knew about the sacred crocodile. One day, Dr. Alana (the smart one), was sent to extract some DNA to inspect the crocodile's ancestry. She wanted to know whether sacred crocodiles like this one were what are now known to be the tame species of crocodiles, Crocodylus suchus. Suddenly Dr. John (the crazy one) walked in and asked, "What are you doing?" "Oh I was sent to extract some DNA", answered Dr. Alana. Just as she was about to take off the cloth Dr. John stopped her and said "Its poisonous to human hands".

It was Dr. Isabella's turn to be on guard that night, and this was going to be her very first time! However she did not know that robbers were waiting to steal in. Before very long she had gotten bored and started to have a look in the mummy section, as she was uncovering a mummy crocodile she noticed that it's eyelids had turned bright green and that they were starting to open. Meanwhile she was starting to think she was sleeping when it scratched out in hieroglyphics "You have freed me from the curse so I shall help you defeat the lurking robbers." She stared down at the hieroglyphics in horror. Although she was frightened she somehow thought that there might be robbers and that this crocodile might be able to help her. Meanwhile the crocodile had started writing again. "Stay here without me for a minute Cleopatra is my master and is very intelligent. Let me find her quickly." Dr. Isabella then asked, "Can I see her too?" After they had found Cleopatra they all crept downstairs to find the robbers. However they didn't need to threaten them for these were cowardly robbers and just then they saw the crocodile and ran away.

Monday, 17 October 2011


A few years ago, I woke up in the middle of night to find myself captured on a pirate ship. Although, strangely, I didn't feel afraid, I seemed to know I would get away. I spent a few nights there, teasing them by taking their best swords, and beating them in a fight. One day, the pirates just got fed up with me, they made me walk the plank, but luckily I fell inside their nicest small ship around the edges. It was beautiful, there were gold and red cushions , there was a dragon head at the front and there was a small house under with foods as rich as the queen might eat.

After a few days I arrived at an Island. It was a marvellous, tropical Island, but all I am telling you now is not near the other wonders I was going to see.

A few days later I found I was not alone. Although the animals I found there were quite weird, they were very kind. The first animals I met were Homo floresiensis, the size of a three year old, they told me of the giant Gigantopithecus. A few days later I found myself face to face with the actual Gigantopithecus, at first I was frightened, but then I found he was quite kind, in a few minutes I was having a nice talk with him in sign language. Later on I found a proboscis monkey the same size as a pygmy marmoset. What I liked best was that a grandma cheetah is the same size as a cub cheetah but twice as strong.

Of course I knew I had to leave. However I had fifty dolphins pull my boat, I put a swimming pool in, I made my boat twenty times the size and I brought one of each kind of species. When I finally got back I gave some of my animal's cubs to my friends.